Commitment-phobic???

"Only the one whose put up with a lot of shit, knows what takes to stay away from it!!!"

My attitude has been, a lot of times, labeled as being that of a "commitment-phobic"... Well! that sounded a real heavy word to me at first, but then I thought to myself, ain't a commitment-phobic one whose supposed to have come a long way and learned a lot! People call it a disease, yet I proudly proclaim, perhaps, that I am a commitment-phobic, because for a person like me, whose been a part of the game, a true commitment-freak, things didn't work out either. Every time we want to drift away from a situation / person / thing, it needn't necessarily be not taking up the onus of the same. It has a lot to do with the fact that sometimes you just know deep down inside that 'it's not you'! No one can claim to know you better than your own self. It's the same as driving down a steep hill and applying breaks before that turn because you know u tend to under-steer around bends.

The moment I crop up the word 'commitment-phobic', I see stares and glares for myself, but dude! they don't have a pinch of idea about how MUCH a commitment drive would have done to a person who chooses to be commitment-phobic. And, to assert my point further, a commitment-phobic never aimed it to be their ambition, but over the course of time, the unhealed wounds, the uncared bruises, the held-back tears, the fight to remain strong, the fear of loosing it to oneself... it takes a lot!!! That's the time you start unwinding your fear, and they come out in all shapes, forms and sizes. So you think, and think, and think... till someone pats your back to say, "C'mon! high time! pick one", and you think again, if THIS time taking chances would be worth it.

There is a time in your life, when you want it all perfect and all decked up, and you do strive to keep it like that, only till such time you realize it wouldn't materialize, probably it wouldn't ever! So even if you keep on trying, pinning your hopes up the brightest star, it wouldn't, and be it 4 days, 4 months or 4 years - you have to call it off a day! It would take long to give up, in case you're a real commitment-freak, but the day you decide in your head, it all sublimes - and, that's the time when in a long long while, a calm settles in. A calm which has its pitfalls, a calm which will disrupt each time someone throws a pebble into it, a calm that would takes ages to restore; but a calm which will also bring in you what others' might take as commitment phobia!!!