What do Women REALLY want!!! – 3

“…And every time you questioned me,

To you my silence seemed a yes,

So without even asking me twice

You thought it to be a mess…

I wanted you to believe me,

I wanted to say it all,

But perhaps words wouldn't be enough,

So I’ll gladly take the fall!”

Back again on exploring the ‘unsaid’ and ‘unheard’ of that BEAUTIFUL woman in your life. I promised for another one, so here we go…

Someone recently said to me, “There are girls, and then there are GIRLS”. But the bottom line, there is just a ‘GIRL’ who wants the simplest things in life – love, trust, respect, and understanding; like I always say! Ya, the magnitude of all other materialistic morals could vary, but at the end of the day, she wants to be HEARD and BELIEVED for what she puts across.

Men, as I know of this species, are the most insecure objects of affection on the earth; totally capable of falling in love, but not knowing what to do with it once they have it. Their insecurities, I do not blame! With the most beautiful of women in their life, the fear of losing it to the unknown does creep in. But they need to understand that if she says - she’s here forever, she’s not going anywhere; she really ISN’T!!! In giving her a chance to be HERSELF, you will have her for a lifetime. The problem with men is that they want to own her, but baby! If she’s emotionally into you, you do have her; because for her, you are the one who romanced and stimulated her mind than just the sheets!

You say things and you forget them, but long after you are gone, they still bang hard in her head. For her, if you said it, you meant it! Never tell her things you don’t intend to mean. She wouldn’t let you know when it hurts, she wouldn't ever hurt you back; but when she’s alone, she’ll think, and think, and think… and wish if you believed her, once!

Rule no. 3 – TRUST her for once in life, without doubts, without second thoughts, and MEAN IT. Saying “I trust you” and finding another meaning to everything she does is not the game. After all, she must have been a very strong woman to know that she’s giving you all the options to ruin her, but having the FAITH that you wouldn’t!

So, till you make that smile on her face a lil wider, here’s a note of faith from a woman – you’re an amazing guy for sure, and you would DEFINITELY understand her and be there for her, just don’t doubt her intentions always. Be the LOVE she wants in her life…

The Agony of being ASSUMED

“When you look at her with the eye of a hawk,

And you tear her pieces apart,

She never complaints, she never pounces back,

‘Coz you’ve already worn out of her heart…”

The problem with us, humans, is that the moment we see a mortal (usually better-off than us), we start dissecting them and the surgical analysis happens then and there. The best and the most common inference in my notice – “Aah! She’s such a BITCH!”

We’re so quick at reaching conclusions, and even quicker at labeling them. But few of us feel the need to look beyond the physical appearances and materialistic projections. We look at a person and decide what he/she should be, and ALL of us do that! Period!

I say it not because I do not belong to the ‘surgical’ clan, but because I’ve been the object of such operations, a lot many times! I’ve had days when I walk into a roomful of people and the first thing that they believe is “hellova attitude in the chic”, which ofcourse, is quite averse to the actual idea. So with a set of pre-assumptions, they whisper and talk among themselves, criticizing, analyzing… from head to toe, wondering what makes me like ‘this’; followed by a few appreciations as well. The good thing about me is that I hardly care to let those voices trespass my entity. I turn deaf and mute the picture. But when I walk out of the room, the least of 80% people stand up in admiration! (I’m not self-praising, but there’s a more grave point that I want to make, read ahead!)

The point to take back home is that if you see the adversity in being labeled you ruin yourself; but it is the advantage to look for, that can make you walk out with utmost pride. When you say ‘I don’t care’, you really shouldn’t! They key is to get numb. And when trivial talks don’t matter, you would feel the ‘agony’ has gone long ‘ago’ and what’s left with you are the remains of a comfortably numb yet strongly sensitive being, whose seen it all…

The Beauty of being REAL…

“I could hear you in the silence; I could see you in the dark,

To walk another mile with you, I wished to be stark,

To be the ‘real’ me, without the malice and lies,

Till the road bent an easier turn for you, or your will to be with me dies!”

To begin with, I know the baby remained unattended for a very very long time, but in search of seeking ‘what I want’; I found out, WRITING and ME, inseparable variables! So here I am, travelling back and forth through the time, only to realize that for me, the canvas to words is irresistible, and if it has to be passion, it has to be this!

Over this whole span of good three months, life treated me in the weirdest possible ways. The sugar went sour, the dry absorbed moisture, the obvious became incomprehensible and the unsaid roared out loud. Without getting into the details of the tale, the long and short of it came to me like this - there’s nothing more beautiful than being YOURSELF! Don’t worry, it’s not another self-help pep talk, rather it’s the extract from those who walked in and walked out of my life, and a few who decided to walk along…

Life has come a long way, and people still seem the pivotal fascination. Breaking the human psyche code though has taken a backseat, yet the inquisitiveness on pretence crops up now and often. For a very long time, I wondered why people around us pretend, why can’t they just be themselves, who they are, how they are… till I realized that the way I seek beauty in the reality of being real, a few of our clan find the same beauty in pretence. And all of a sudden, the fog of biasness evaporated. I know I might be sounding too cluttered, but the irony of life hit me hard. When I thought myself to be sinful, I found myself among saints; and the moment the serenity of pureness settled in, the world seemed like a graveyard of preserved corpse.

I realized that though it’s important to conceal, the challenge to be naturally intact with your basic nature is the need. So, no matter how many bright stars you have around you, no matter how many name you as the moon, no matter how many see you as the only light up there; you have to keep reminding yourself that shining is only the reflective action of the pure. Every morning, you will have to retire to the same blue sky with the pretence of nature to be calm; the rage of seas and the tide of the reality would be the privilege of the dark.

What do women REALLY want!!! – 2

“There are times when I want you to understand my silence, there are times when you do,

I want you to be proud of who I am, just the way your flaws ‘also’ make me proud of you!!!”

So after much anticipation, I thought to pen this down. The idea this time was catalysed by a friend who came with a problem. He didn’t want to hang out with his grilfriend’s friends even for a minute, he abhorred them! Well, on a mass feedback, there’s an easy route to it – tell, your girl to hang out with her friends as much as she wants and come back to you when she’s done! But here’s what I have to tell you, as a WOMAN, that what would your woman want!!!

Tell me this – Does 5 mins of bearing a person too much to ask for? I mean, she wasn’t asking you to hook up with the friend for the night! (Guess you’d be glad enough!) All you gotta do is put up a smile and tell her friends that she’s the best thing that has happened to you. If you don’t do all this jazz and follow path 1, it would hardly make a difference, she’ll still love you with all that she has. But if you make that extra effort to be there for her when she needs you, she would just feel lucky to have you. And by the way, wasn’t she the perfect host when last Saturday night your friends decided to raid your house. She put up with all that with a smile… right!

Women are ‘considered ‘ to be the most complicated creatures on earth, I couldn’t ever figure out why!!! Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus – Damn! I couldn’t ‘disagree’ more. Just the way we women can understand your urge to keep a cricket/football match over us, bear with your love for cars/bikes, know your whims for a drive a 2; why can’t you undersatnd that though we know you’re there for us and love us, we sometimes expect you to say it and your actions to prove it. Do you remember the last time you dediacted a song to her and ‘meant’ it??? Clueless! But once in a while, letting her know that you love her, not by bringing her flowers and saying “Honey! I Love You” after you make out; but by a little more meaningful things in life like picking her up in your arms and walking her upstairs because her feet hurt, or just doing the breakfast for her one morning… She’ll cherish it for a very long time after you did it!

Rule no. 2 - Mean what you say!!! Don’t say things you wouldn’t care about. It’s better to leave them unsaid than letting her build her castles of hope around it. So during courtship, when you said she looks sexy in a skirt, don’t tell her that you want her to cover up because she’s “your girlfriend” now. You should be proud of having a hot chic! Ever wondered why lions are such free souls? Because when they were cubs they had all the freedom to explore the jungle, but they never feared because they knew that from a distance, they’re being watched over! The moral – Let her fly, let her do things her way, give her a chance to rectify her mistakes the way she wants, let her talk to the random guy at the bar who complimented her… You just have to watch over her from a distance (Do Not Read SPY). This would be enough to make her feel secured. Don’t be one of those nagging and pushy guys who want to be like the trail of the jet! You know you’re quite a guy to have won such a beautiful lady; and she would feel the same for you when you let her be HERSELF, the way she’d let YOU be!!!

Would continue… Well, you should’ve guessed it!!! Ain’t the ‘understanding woman’ hormone triggered as yet???

LET GO – 'easier said than done' route!

“I told myself, I’ll never see you again,

I put up the rudeness, till I drove you insane,

I wanted you to hate me; I turned my back to you,

I wanted you to smile without me, and now you really do!”

‘Letting go’ is not the same as ‘not wanting’! You might not want a lot of things and people in life, but then you inevitably can’t let them go. When I say ‘let go’, my meanings are not confined  to releasing yourself, but realizing if continuing would be worth it. Someone once told me, its not the trait of the weak to let go, rather it’s the courage in you that can do this. And please, ‘let go’ is not about moving on!!!

She broke up, she dumped him, and she walked on the pretty flowers and promised to forget him… She knew it would hurt, she knew she would cry, but she couldn’t put up with losing respect anymore, and she just wouldn’t give it another try… She thought she had ‘let go’, of him, of the memories, of the moments, of the sins. And she was happy, smiling and brimming that she had a life! Till one day, when accidently, it hurt, it hurt again... But she thought that she had let go…???

Believe me, you can never let go till you continue to self-bash yourself. It’s like the same as trying to forget that you broke a glass and also telling yourself you shouldn’t have done it.  The worst that I’ve seen people do is sulk away, close them up in a shell, engraving the pain into them, and thinking it to be the end of the world. Letting go is about accepting - that yes, there can be and will be people in life who can hurt you at times, but it’s all right to take them in stride. You cannot seclude yourself and wait for someone to massage your ego all the time. You cannot always win, but you can participate. And when this acceptance sinks in, you suddenly feel - you can breathe!!!

Smile for what you have rather than staring at the closed door and waiting for it to re-open someday. In crying for what we lost, we lose all that we have. And I’ve always believed that some people are meant to fall in love with each other, just that they’re not meant to be together! I wouldn’t let myself flow on this one, it might get disillusioned, but while everyone holds a new perspective to the phenomena of ‘letting go’, and its definitions may change across people, the bottom line lies with ‘acceptance’.  And the ticker -Never deprive yourself of a chance, because you don’t know what is waiting for you on the next turn!!!

What do women REALLY want!!! - 1

“My smile didn’t move you, and my tears didn’t linger,

You wouldn't ever understand, what makes me have your ring on my finger!”

Gosh! Don’t know if those lines caught you, but they were just my expression of how much your lady could be! And even before I begin, I think you all would know why I put the title as part -1. Yup! There’s a lot to come.

Half the men in the world don’t know what she wants, half of them don’t even care to know what she wants, and then; there are those few, who are very near to figuring out what she ‘actually’ wants but when the moment comes, they goof up and lose it to overconfidence! Period! Men believe that women are like a pack of crayons, so they keep their basic nature as a constant and it’s just the color that gets variable for them. That’s where they are mistaken the most. Rather your woman is a lot like ‘quick silver’ or mercury as you would call it – placid in nature, boils only when the temperature gets really high, highly reflective, but it slips out of your hand the moment you try to clutch it and spills on the floor. I’ve always believed that the things that seem the most complicated in life are the simplest to achieve.

Guys crib and crib and crib that they can’t understand that what the girl actually wants; whatever they do never seems enough! Here’s your pick – one day, just take yourself out of the whole picture, have your favorite beer in hand, sit aside and just review – just notice the moments when she was actually happy! The day you surprised her by picking her up from work, the smile she had when you got up to greet her friends, the day you brought her flowers out of the blue, the one hug that you gave her when she was into tears, the one toast that you raised with your friends saying, “she’s my girl”, the time you ‘didn’t’ stop her from doing what ‘she likes’, the day you drove 500 kms just to see her for 5 minutes… the day you planned for a movie and she had her girlfriends’ night out and you just replied by saying’ “Honey you go ahead, I’ll catch up with my boys”, or watch a match instead… whatever; the point to observe is that weren’t these moments the most inexpensive yet the priceless ones.

But this nowhere means that all that glitters is gold. Say for instance, I’m like a virtual chatterbox. That’s how people know me, I can go on and on about anything and everything arbitrary under the sun. But when I’m over chats, I hide myself ‘invisible’ and I pretend my inexistence(I don’t know my chances of keeping it safe anymore after the revelation now). That’s Rule no. 1 – the moment you think she’s predictable, she can be like the most incomprehensible thing on earth. You would understand her most when you try the least. Well, whoever said not to judge a book by its cover, must’ve been a very experienced and sensible lad! Let her be herself, don’t poke her, let her get back to you, and the moment you give her the space, she would comfortably settle in; but if you strangle her little corner, she can pounce on you for territorial invasions. The choice is yours – and till I come up with the next part, here’s the tip – let her know all that you feel about her, she might not run into you with an overwhelmed exuberance , but one day she would smile with contentment,  feeling lucky that she’s won the BEST man on the earth!!!

Commitment-phobic???

"Only the one whose put up with a lot of shit, knows what takes to stay away from it!!!"

My attitude has been, a lot of times, labeled as being that of a "commitment-phobic"... Well! that sounded a real heavy word to me at first, but then I thought to myself, ain't a commitment-phobic one whose supposed to have come a long way and learned a lot! People call it a disease, yet I proudly proclaim, perhaps, that I am a commitment-phobic, because for a person like me, whose been a part of the game, a true commitment-freak, things didn't work out either. Every time we want to drift away from a situation / person / thing, it needn't necessarily be not taking up the onus of the same. It has a lot to do with the fact that sometimes you just know deep down inside that 'it's not you'! No one can claim to know you better than your own self. It's the same as driving down a steep hill and applying breaks before that turn because you know u tend to under-steer around bends.

The moment I crop up the word 'commitment-phobic', I see stares and glares for myself, but dude! they don't have a pinch of idea about how MUCH a commitment drive would have done to a person who chooses to be commitment-phobic. And, to assert my point further, a commitment-phobic never aimed it to be their ambition, but over the course of time, the unhealed wounds, the uncared bruises, the held-back tears, the fight to remain strong, the fear of loosing it to oneself... it takes a lot!!! That's the time you start unwinding your fear, and they come out in all shapes, forms and sizes. So you think, and think, and think... till someone pats your back to say, "C'mon! high time! pick one", and you think again, if THIS time taking chances would be worth it.

There is a time in your life, when you want it all perfect and all decked up, and you do strive to keep it like that, only till such time you realize it wouldn't materialize, probably it wouldn't ever! So even if you keep on trying, pinning your hopes up the brightest star, it wouldn't, and be it 4 days, 4 months or 4 years - you have to call it off a day! It would take long to give up, in case you're a real commitment-freak, but the day you decide in your head, it all sublimes - and, that's the time when in a long long while, a calm settles in. A calm which has its pitfalls, a calm which will disrupt each time someone throws a pebble into it, a calm that would takes ages to restore; but a calm which will also bring in you what others' might take as commitment phobia!!!

The unpredictability of being unpredictable

Sometimes when I retrospect, I realize the fickleness of my own unpredictability! I know, it’s kinda philosophical, but it makes sense to me halfway through. I always, since the discovery of my ‘decision-making’ powers, have believed that everything and anything in my life, tones down to last two, and then, I’M CONFUSED!!! Yeah, I know I shouldn’t accredit myself with the most profound discoveries, the options always streamline to 2-3 and then you pick… But my problem begins AFTER I PICK! To put it into straight words, well, the scales dip and I choose one, but when I have it, I don’t want it!!! Not that I find my left-out option interesting, I don’t want that too… And then, out of the blue, I’ll like something which wasn’t even an option in the first place. Huh!

I’ve hated that part of me, and I continue to do so. There’s this whole contentment and sense of equilibrium when the clarity of vision strikes me. I feel light and loose, it’s like detangling your hair with the conditioner. But the moment I contain the satisfaction of celebration, the scales dip again, and I’m all scattered. I wonder if I have any of my ruling signs as Libra in the natal chart, so being the true hard-core Leonine, the roar is loud, only till I don’t plan to retire. The problem being that I retire too soon, the moment I’ve got the glory, I sulk. I don’t want that anymore. It’s true that the moment of pride is gone and one should continue, but for me, I force myself to begin from a scratch! Wondering if ‘this’ is what everyone refers to when they put me as the most unpredictable…!

LOVE is all around!!!

Had heard a lot about places bonding with people, I didn't believe, but for once in my life I saw romance stirring up in me at Khandala. And that too when I was all by myself, not expected! To my dismay, my parents are darn strict to let me out alone, but of late they've been 'kind' to me and so I realised my love for travel, provided we back it up with a posh hotel and air tickets. I know I'm sounding a li'l mean and rude, but hey! that was a part of the package - whatttt.. you thought I'm aimlessly called a "high-maintanence girl"!!!

Well, I'm on my flight to Lucknow, ready to romance ROMANCE on paper. Sounds exciting! Of course, the idea came ushering from a friend who was desperate for my inputs on LOVE considering I'm quite an heiress to it. Nah! Watch out! Not because I was, am or will be, in love, but because the art of being 'the agony aunt' trickled in my blood stream since I was 6, and ya, my 1st victim being my own self, analyzing the futility of my very 1st crush at 4. LOL!!! Seems nature showed some bias here, so everything came running into me, or maybe, me rushing into them.

Keeping my life aside, on my this particular trip, I realized the mockery of the age-old saga of a guy telling a girl to bring the stars at her feet. Reason - C'mon! Girls go to a hill station (my latest pick - Khandala of course :P) and you've got the entire sky at your disposal, literally! Guys, work it harder baby, if you want the girl. But on a serious note; love, for me, was never really about 'to do' or 'not to do'. I believe I was born in this territory, so everything from rules to tricks to moves to playing it right... it all happened naturally! I've seen people speeding in and out of love, I mean, pre-encounter = they addictively want it and post-experience = they hate to stand it for even a second. But I ask WHY? You loved the feeling of being in love, of loving and being loved.

Hold on! take your time. You may move on from people to things to another person to another stuff, but let the feeling of 'feeling love' linger on. Let it stay with you. The world is not small to pour out on love. GF moves out, pick on MOM, double sundae for her... what say? :) Don't let love be your destiny, keep it the way it was meant to be - a journey!

Oops! Did I sound too heavy? But over the 22 years, 11 months and 17 days, in addition to the extra 9 months, of my existence; it's material that hangs on to you and not vice-versa. We are who we actually, really want to be - be it a traveler, an artist, a techy, a geeky, a dancer, a singer; or perhaps, just a philanthropist like me...

The monotony of life makes me paralytic and before it gets me... I run! I like it like this, this is ME! Its just the way you keep changing on perfumes but each fragrance that you used has a story to tell. I'm in love with myself and I'd like to believe it, pamper it and, live it. So I..... groove into my zone of infinity where letting go off 'the feel' isn't essential and, life still holds up the intoxication, really really high!!!

Till then...
"I feel it in my fingers,
I feel it in my toes..
Love is all around me,
and so the feeling grows...
It's written in the wind,
It's everywhere I go..
So if you really love them,
C'mon and let it show..."